Marriage: Changing last name, or changing identity

I got married in December 2006, and only recently obtained my name change in the military. Two months ago my husband asked for the umpteenth time whether my name change had gone through. For those who are unaware of the military system, in order to change your name, it must first be approved by Big Navy before one can start using their new name. This process can take from two to six weeks to be accomplished. In my case, it took a while.

However, I do take issue with the fact that when a woman is married, the name she has identified herself with all of her life must be discarded, and a new name adopted overnight. There should be a phasing out of the old name and a phasing in of the new name. I am not saying that taking my husband's last name is wrong or that I object to this aspect of marriage. However, my last name, my family name, is the name that I have identified with all 27 years of my life. My last name is part of my identity. It's the whole package of me as an individual. It is my unique identifier.

And while I have changed the name finally, and I may call myself by the new last name, I still can't help but feel as though nothing about me has changed. I don't identify with this new name--- yet. It's a name on paper, a name that I answer to. I am starting over in creating a new identity with this new name. I only wish that my husband, and in fact, society would understand the bigger impact in asking women to change their name upon marriage. As I mentioned above, a phasing out period should be expected, rather than the abrupt change that we expect.